No one believes me when I say I'm an introvert. I don't like most people I meet & am convinced that most people who meet me must not like me either. I have to make a conscious effort to show up for social engagements. I have to prepare myself for social interactions & feel incredibly surprised when people invite me to or involve me in events.
I try not to let the world see this side because my job requires me to be more than I am. There is so much to be done & standing by isn't part of the job description. It is a good indication of how much I love my job that I push through all my psychoses for it.
There are also just a handful of people who truly know this side of me and thankfully most of them don't judge me for it. However, some just don't understand. My parents, for example, don't understand my need to shun society. They don't get why I can't be like other girls who love family events and dressing up for said events.
On the other edge of this is my need to not completely be cut off from society. To that end, I will organise events with people I like and hope and pray that they will want to come. And then they do and all is good in the world. I have made some amazing friends as I've grown older and more comfortable with myself.
These friends have had varied lessons to teach me; some have shown me how to like myself while others have shown me that it's ok if everyone doesn't like me back. Yet others have shown me the importance of having values and passion while some others have helped me see the value of being single.
Having said that, now I feel that I'm getting to really like myself and understand what I want out of life. And I think the next step is to find someone who can hold on to me and make me want to let go of everything else. At least for a while.
